‘Fifty Shades’ casts gray area on relationships
“Fifty Shades of Grey,” Official movie poster.
March 15, 2015
Women grow up being told that they cannot love or yearn for sex in the same way men can, but the success of “Fifty Shades of Grey” has helped change that conversation.
It’s opened a door to discuss female sexuality, and if the phenomenon segues into discussion about finally feeling OK in their skin as sexual beings then bravo. But it shouldn’t be applauded for what it’s so clearly not: a love story and an accurate portrayal of a BDSM (bondage and discipline, sadomasochism) relationship.
The relationship between Christian Grey and Anastasia “Ana” Steele is not abusive because it’s kinky or involves a power exchange with one partner as dominant and the other as a submissive. It’s abusive because it outright uses those things as tools of abuse. The series disregards that it’s completely fine to be into handcuffs, whips, and spanking — so as long as you’re doing those things with a consenting partner. It is however, not OK to bully, intimidate and manipulate your partner as a means of getting them into doing those things.
I read “Fifty Shades” three years ago, when it was still barely being mentioned on television and in the media between whispers of “Mommy Porn,” a nod to how its popularity had gained steam with suburban housewives and soccer moms. Enough so that what started as “Twilight” fanfiction posted under the guise of ‘Snowqueens IceDragon’ gave author E.L. James a name for herself.
It’s a recycled storyline. Like bad boy vs. good girl stories before them, the barbed wire around Christian’s heart is melted by Ana’s love except here there’s a “red room of pain” and a contract that dictates everything from birth control to her diet and how often she must work out.
On paper, the writing is elementary and neither characters are interesting, likeable or have depth. The series becomes increasingly annoying and frustrating as it goes on. Christian’s dabbling in BDSM is explained as a result of child abuse. His possessiveness is excused because he’s beautiful and rich. The erotic part? It’s not as hot or controversial as fans would have you believe, more tiresome and redundant than sensual or dirty.
On screen is a more sleek, sophisticated product. With Jamie Dornan’s handsome face, and a Beyoncé soundtrack to boot, it’s easy to see why moviegoers have grown intrigued. The movie even offers a cheeky “Curious?” line on their posters.
After opening on Valentine’s Day weekend, The Hollywood Reporter and Fandango reported that sales exceeded expectations (not surprisingly) in the Midwest and South. It broke many records including the highest opening for a female directed film and February opening (which ironically and hilariously belonged to “Twilight” and “The Passion of the Christ” respectively) as well as the highest opening for an R-rated film.
But the series’ success on paper and screen can’t hide how it throws the BDSM community under a bus by painting them as troubled, abusive and insensitive instead of accurately portraying a crowd that prides itself on safety, comfort and consent to protect the people involved.
Emma Green of The Atlantic interviewed experienced BDSM practitioners and writes, “There are healthy, ethical ways to consensually combine sex and pain. All of them require self-knowledge, communication skills, and emotional maturity in order to make the sex safe and mutually gratifying. The problem is that ‘Fifty Shades’ casually associates hot sex with violence, but without any of this context.”
Christian uses Ana’s sexual inexperience to manipulate her, all while she’s left in the dark and not told what’s going to happen. He uses alcohol to sway her consent.
When she’s upset, he becomes angry at her for being upset and makes no attempt to comfort her. He ignores her safe word in one scene — or makes her feel guilty for using it. In other instances throughout the series, he threatens to hurt himself or other people, or leave if he doesn’t get his way, and knowing that she will in fact do anything for him so he will not leave her, he uses her desperateness to appease him to his advantage.
“Should I run? … Do I let him do this or do I say no, and that’s it? Because I know it will be over if I say no,” Ana admits in one scene.
In fear of his anger and temper, Ana begins hiding things from Christian. He seethes when he finds out her best friend has lent her his jacket on a cold night. She must ask for permission to go out drinking and to hang out with other people. Easily jealous and angry, he forbids her from seeing friends and reminds her that should she run, he has the money and the means to track her down. She even confides to her roommate that he “uses sex as a weapon.”
In a healthy relationship, Ana would have a choice. She would feel safe to ask questions, and Christian would not threaten the trust so implicitly placed in his hands.
Romanticizing this treatment and making it seem OK to accept is problematic and dangerous, and people inspired and influenced to dabble in BDSM without a proper idea of what it should be will get hurt.
A.E. Doladens • Mar 20, 2015 at 5:02 pm
What a confusing article! A surname is always spelled as it is on the person’s birth certificate; it is never permissible to spell a “Gray” as a “Grey.” But the color grey can be spelled either as “grey” or “gray,” as either is accepted depending on which side of the Atlantic you might be on.
But here we have “Fifty Shades of Grey” with Grey as a surname. We also have an article that’s entitled “‘Fifty Shades’ casts gray area on relationships” (notice no capital letters excepting the movie title’s). “Gray” here is spelled with an “a” rather than an “e.” Is this confusing? Could be, as there are some who hold that the spelling should be “grey,” yet others adver that both are used: http://grammarist.com/spelling/gray-grey/
Yet here the author has used both spellings in the article. Is this confusing? Does this detract from the information given in the article, does the ambiguity keep the reader from absorbing the author’s intent and purpose? The writer draws attention to a supposed misconception of the “bondage” sexual community, here referred to as BDSM. Does the plurality of “grey” and “gray” lend to or detract from the subject matter that the author has tried to purvey to the reader?
A volatile area, and one that is quite difficult to address due to the present fear of discrimination lawsuits for any hint of persecution for sexual choices and practices. If an adherent of BDSM were to read this piece, and upon realizing that there are two forms of “gray” here, would that person immediately call his (or her) attorney and try to file for damages? Are any finer sensibilities harmed by this divergence?
But of course we’re talking about BDSM here. The theoretical person we’re speaking of might find that experience enjoyable in a perverse (but not to him or her) way. It might be exciting!
But is it exciting taking an English test on the SDCC campus and having this question posed to you? Would you lose points if you answer “grey” instead of “gray?” Does anyone at SDCC even know there is a difference here? No, not being mean, just asking a rhetorical question.
I find some points of my GPA and the Hercluean effort I had to put in to getting it in the ILC and the Computer Lab to be really questionable myself. I did not enjoy that experience at all, and I really think my GPA should have been a little higher when I graduated. But there’s nothing I can do about it now, I’ll always have the average GPA I received there stamped on my forehead for all to see. I have transferred, my GPA is higher now, but my graduation grade is nothing to brag about. So, is “gray” and “grey” trivial? Of course it is, as is my SDCC GPA.
I met a very nice girl at the organ pavilion when I graduated. She had wonderful black hair. I wonder if it’s grey now? Maybe it’s gray. I’ll never know, and I’m probably really sad about that. But, according to what I read here it doesn’t matter as apparently no one notices the difference anymore.